1. I’m frightened of clowns, especially this one, courtesy of Michael. They had better be frightened of me.
2. I’ve been to every state but Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, and Connecticut. I’ve also been to Mexico, Canada, Russia, Uzbekistan, Kazakhstan, Germany, Belgium, France, and England, but I’ve never been to me.
3. I love Shiner Bock beer from Shiner, Texas. It is the perfect blend of good beer, cheap price, and non-barfability.
4. I can only raise my right eyebrow independently.
5. When I dream I’m flying, I usually have to flap my arms.
6. My sister pushed me out of a big rig truck when I was about six, knocking out my front teeth and cracking my skull. I screamed for some time and looked like a vampire for about five more years.
7. I damaged her left eye by throwing a broom stick from our tree house. I basically knocked out her eye. She screamed for a huge amount of time and had to wear a patch for some time.
8. I can’t stand touching foam, like the egg crate stuff on some beds. I tore off a fingernail when I was younger, and the exposed part stuck to some foam.
9. Every day I look more like my mother’s father, a man with perfect pitch.
10. I don’t have perfect pitch.
11. I sing in the shower as if I had perfect pitch. I am the Pavarotti of washing.
12. I have never smoked a cigarette. I know I would be addicted the first time.
13. I own 25 Pop Swatches, 15 currently work. I am wanting more.
14. I bought a lottery ticket while living in England. I didn’t win, so I’ve never bought another.
15. Halloween is my Christmas.
16. I laugh at the death of Bambi’s mom, yet I cry wildly at the end of “Accidental Tourist”.
17. I had a perm. Once. Curly hair should only be on certain areas of my body.
18. I always eat spoiled food. I can’t help it.
19. I could eat burritos for every meal, preferably smothered in queso.
20. Reading T.S. Eliot poetry is like eating a rich dark chocolate.
21. I wish my name was something sexy like Antonio Banderas. It sounds so bold and exotic, unlike Glenn, which sounds like the anaerobic bacteria in a pond.
22. My nose was broken in the fourth grade, with a few more slight arrangements from walking into doors, fights, etc.
23. Now that I’m out of the closet, I love describing a guy as ‘dreamy.’
24. I am the funky monkey of the body odor world. Wearing watches on my sleeve gives me the opportunity to see if I am getting too funky.
25. I am not a size queen, as I have a tremendous overpowering gag reflex.