Saturday, January 11, 2003

Psycho whining boy, table for one? Right here! I'm really unhappy about work and life, but letting it get to me is a bit on the lame side. Sometimes things can be right under my nose and I won't even see them.

Take my neighborhood. So I've lived here now for a little over nine months, and I just discovered that my Chinese delivery place is called Wong Foo. I look at the menu every few weeks, but I never noticed that. I'm just waiting for Julie Newmar to deliver my broccoli and rice. I discovered that eighth wonder of the world, Western Beef. I also have the yoga place, I'm meeting the neighbors, and I'm going to try to focus on positive ways of dealing with my problems.

I hate my job, every morning is dreadful. However, quitting is not an option. Too much of the decision would be emotional and a result of depression, and it's common knowledge that the first year is the worst year of teaching. The combination of being at one of the worst schools in the nation AND teaching hormone addled teenagers could make anyone despair, so I'm going to make it to the summer, then review.

I'm off to go look at model trains and get a new calendar. I keep thinking it is still 2002.

Monday, January 06, 2003

I am really looking forward to having the new roommate move into the loft. For the last month or so, I've been really lonely. I'm a social animal and I need interaction. People who have seen my hairy arms know that I have not-so-latent social monkey genes. I have lived with other people my whole life, and even though I often need my own space, interaction is still vital. Frequently I am sitting here, and I have to go to Life Cafe just for some conversation. Dan and I had, in my opinion, one of those excellent casual communication systems. Most of the time, it was more presence than actual conversation. Now Dan basically lives over at Stephen's place, and I have to admit that I was really disappointed when he canceled on staying here tonight. For the past few months, our old system has been replaced by his making a beeline for his nest, going to sleep, and then heading back over to Stephen's. The fact that I learned of his moving out through friends and his blog shows the extent of how we communicate now.

I know I'm a bear to be with right now. I feel sorry for my friends and Dan, because I know that my socializing has such a frantic quality to it. My day to day life is quite miserable, and so I pin too much on my time with friends and Dan. That is a lot of pressure for people that already have full plates. Often I just go to my side of the loft, read a book, listen to some music. However, the huge empty loft makes me avoid my normal quiet time for recharging, my normal schedule has been thrown out the window, and I'm as cranky as a constipated 90 year old in the rest home.

I guess the new year is bringing some good things. This will be my stepping out on my own, even if it is with a little kicking and screaming. I'm meeting my neighbors, making new patterns, starting yoga. I'll start a batch of cider. I'll bring over some friends to help redecorate, maybe build some new walls, make the space my own. In six months, I'll look back and wonder why I was so miserable tonight. Plus I'll be out of school.
Okay, so the attempt at a tropical Christmas was a total bust. However, I have a midwinter recess from February 14th through February 23rd. I want to go somewhere and validate my New Year's resolution of sunburning my nether regions on a beach. Anyone want to join?

Sunday, January 05, 2003

Some legends say Xanadu is concealed in a mountain pass in Tibet. Others say that it floats from cloud to cloud. Some people born in the 70's believe that Olivia Newton John guards the mystical gates with her dangerous floaty hair. I personally believe one can enter through the infrared sensor doors at Western Beef, the grocery store I just was taken to by my new food guru Sonia. I could have sworn I heard a chorus of angels as the doors swung inwards onto an awesome panorama of fresh breads, unknown fruits, and wide aisles containing a vast array of tasty goods.

Ever since I moved here to NYC, I've been wildly disappointed by the grocery stores. Locally, I have the C-town, which is a horrifying descent into gnat-covered banana hell. Everything is overpriced, the dairy products are usually one day away from becoming a new form of cottage cheese, and one entire aisle of this miniscule store is devoted to Catholic candles. What ices the cake is the walk through the projects to get home, avoiding rotting garbage, dog crap, and the painful tingling from rapidly numbing hands. I can take the subway the Bedford stop or Union Square. Both have grocery stores with superior selection, healthier items, and better fruit. However, they're still frightfully expensive and the amusing risk of cans rolling around the subway car.

I met Sonia through yoga wild hair Jen, another sign of my good karma, as Sonia is becoming one of my favorite people to hang out with. She leads me to this amazing new place a short distance by car or bike from my place. I had an absolute blast, I was so excited. It is like a World's Fair of food. There's all sorts of great fruits with strange names, aisles of Indian food, Jamaican, vegetarian, you name it. They also have this great kicky tejano music playing, which results in Sonia and I dancing randomly down the aisles. I bought caviar, a big bag of good dog food, and about $120 worth of other stuff. We were in there for over TWO HOURS, and I loved every minute of it. We loaded it into Sonia's ageing Toyota and exited Kublai Khan's fabled land. With her as my sherpa guide, I know I'll return.