Saturday, April 12, 2003

I'm seized by the idea of a tattoo. I need a tattoo. My original and brilliant idea was my father's cattle brand, but upon reflection, it looks like a pair of pendulous breasts hanging over a shelf. I need ideas from people who know me. Now I just seriously need a good idea for the tattoo, and a location. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Email me.

Thursday, April 10, 2003

Whaaaah? Dan's blogjust alerted me to the fact that I live in a super trendy neighborhood. I should have told the rats. MoFlo? My mind doesn't immediately go to something lunar...
As this ship of education sails blindly towards the rocks of standardized testing, I'm wondering who is captaining the ship. Heck, I'm wondering who put us on this course in the first place. I've abandoned any pretense of teaching real information, as I am required to teach test-taking techniques for the remaining weeks until the tests. Our school has spent thousands on test materials from Kaplan and TWO other programs, yet we will lose all of our custodians, cafeteria workers, and assistants next year. We don't have enough money for any of my kids to be able to take their hardcover books home (I have one classroom set), yet we buy disposable products for a math test that has been shown to be massively flawed. My kids are bored, hypersaturated with information undiluted by comprehension, and will have their lives defined on a score of 1 to 4.

On the fun side, I was grading papers tonight, and came across a late homework produced by a student who was ill last week. She had written the comment 'asbent' to explain the lateness of the homework. I'm not saying anything.

Tuesday, April 08, 2003

Mother Nature has been conspiring against me. Nature and my dog abhor vacuums.

The first assault was the BFR (see previous posting). We keep a clean house, we have an aggressive dog, and I advocate peaceful coexistence with all living things--except for cockroaches and rats. This has not been an issue the entire time that I've lived here, even though Dan mentioned he had occasionally encountered a mouse before I moved into the loft. Apparently the prior loser slob slacker roommate Ralph attracted vermin, I only attracted botulism in the fridge.

Regardless, the rodent issue coalesced around a mutant rat who grew up eating babies and used nuclear waste. He/she/it only showed up at our place because of the challenge. The first evidence of our new roommate appeared just as Andrew moved into the loft. I can sleep through tornadoes and earthquakes, so he had to bring the encounters to my attention. Bear normally also tries to attack rats at night if she sees them, but she was avoiding this one.

Every single method to kill the rat didn't work. Traps were disarmed, poison was ingested and pooped, dogs were chicken. We spent two hours one night filling every wall with steel wool, it removed it and made decorative art. We filled the walls with foam, it tunneled through. We mixed steel wool AND foam, it went through another wall. Considering there is no food floating around the house that is readily available, every effort was made to simply show that rodent could outsmart homo sapien. Finally, Andrew removed all the baseboards, installed a solid 14 gauge metal sheet barrier, redid the foam, and reinstalled the baseboards. We heard some scratching over the next few nights, but the sacrificial babies we left down the block must have lured it away. I was going to use some of my students as bait, but even rats know when they're outmatched.

Sunday, April 06, 2003

Hold on to your hats, I'll be posting tomorrow about the mutant BFR (BIG FUCKING RAT).