Tuesday, May 13, 2003

Even with all the NY government fiascos, nothing can compare with Texas. My favorite article regards the Texas State Troopers going after one Democrat's newborn twins. Scandal, corruption, and stupidity. Welcome to government, Texas Style.

Monday, May 12, 2003

I’ve always thought that food should just be that. Food. It always bothers me if some marketing department chooses to represent its product as a living character. The examples range from the McNuggets to Mr. Peanut. Food should not be allowed to talk, especially not ecstatically about their imminent demise. In one commercial, the McNuggets giggle and leap happily into their respective dips. In reality, they would thrash pathetically in their frozen state, scream piercingly during the frying process, then finally curse Ronald as either their upper or lower body is dipped into some sweet syrup and masticated. They, like me, should be afraid of clowns. Poor Mr. Peanut has to lean on a cane because someone has cracked him open and removed his nuts. These should not be happy representatives.

Products like Mr. Clean are okay, as he isn’t cut open for his cleaning power. However, my issues also extend to coffee mugs shaped like people’s heads. Although the idea of imbibing caffeine from certain people’s heads sounds fun, it should only be an option of someone you despise. Drinking from the real skull of Celine Dion would be supremely enjoyable, the plastic skull of a weather beaten fisherman or Yoda is just disturbing.

While I’m at it, why hasn’t the silly Rabbit ever just killed the kids for Trix? Why exactly is it that Trix isn’t for rabbits? He’s obviously a very smart rabbit, unlike Barney Rubble. He has been trying to get it for years, can’t he just possess it and then eat it in private? For that matter, the stupid leprechaun from Lucky Charms should just use his magic to remove the air from around the children who are always taking his cereal. If someone were to steal my red hearts, blue diamonds, and green clovers, I’d be filled with leprechaun rage. I would probably enjoy using my magic powers to turn the children into marshmallow goodness. Then they’d be forced to eat themselves, which would be delicious irony.

Sunday, May 11, 2003

Just like any huge disaster, this one started with one little step. I've been getting bored with my shaved head/goatee look. There's not much I can do for the bald head, but I grew out the goatee for the last three weeks. I've been trying to get someone to help me out with some changes to the goatee, but no luck. I don't have the steadiest hands when it comes to accurate and symmetric trimming. There's just something very difficult making trims when using a mirror.

Melanie, a local photographer, wanted to do a shoot with me in the loft today. I looked in the mirror, decided I had to do something, so I pulled out the trimmer. I'll just be really careful.

Click. Buzz. Oops.

Shit.

Hmmm. Okay, I guess if I balance out that screwup by trimming the other side some.

Oops.

Shit.

Hmmm, looking kinda bad. Perfect for a photo shoot. I guess this is the perfect way to inaugurate the new website, pictures taken before then after. It definitely looks weird, but I guess the great thing is that I'll just look like an idiot for about three weeks until it grows back. I'm sure the kids won't mock me, and maybe Melanie can Photoshop me a real goatee.